Maybe Today
by ICD
Summary: Songfic about character death. I can't say anything else just read it if you are still interested.


Disclaimer: They are not mine and I will putt hem back. Somewhere in between I will write this story and make no money with it, so don't sue.

Author's Note: People. It's a songfic. The fic is named after the song: Maybe Today from Anastacia.

I have to warn you: It is a sad story. It contains a major character death. I didn't describe what happened or how it did but still… if you don't want to read it, you should stop here and look for another story.

If there are many spelling mistakes or tense problems, bear with me; I'm not exactly coherent and concentrated on those things.

I wrote this just today after I got a call, telling me that someone I knew had died in a car accident yesterday night.

I can't say that we were good friends, hell I can't even say that I knew him very well and yet… the feeling stays. I mean, he was just nineteen and I have known him for fourteen or fifteen years. We were in Kindergarten and school together. I probably should have known him better after such a long time.

Still, even though I didn't really know him very well, his death is a shock and I guess writing this fic is a way from me to cope with this even though it doesn't directly cope with his loss.

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Maybe Today

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She knelt on the wet ground, her eyes cast downward, looking at her hands and at the rose they held.

Why did they always have to interfere?

Their life had never been easy; by God it hadn't.

She breathed shakily.

_Poison like the air we breath in  
__This complicated world we weave  
__Spins around, pulls us down_

Rain was pouring down but she didn't care.

She had thought that she had long since stopped caring at all but she had been wrong and she knew it. Deep down she had always known.

Just as he had always known.

But 'they' had always prevented them from speaking about it, from even allowing themselves to think about it.

_This life we lead is overrated  
__Mixed up, fucked up   
__Calculated  
__That's the way  
__So they say_

'They' had always been there to make their life difficult.

'They' had always made the decisions for them. 

'They' had messed with their lives and never let them leave to find what they had always longed for.

_And all we ever need is a chance to be  
__Freedom lies beneath reality  
__Find a way  
__Maybe today  
And all the fairytales and fantasies  
__Can we find a way to be free?  
__Today_

The only thing that 'they' had never managed had been to keep them from dreaming, or at least to keep Jarod from dreaming.

He had always been so full of life, helping others, being there for them, living his life despite everything they had objected upon him.

And they had tried to make it difficult. 

_Underneath the way we feel  
__We've lost ourselves between what's real  
__No lost and found  
__We're broken down_

He had found a way to break free from the Centre and he hadn't been able to at the same time.

The memories had still hunted his dreams.

Just as she had hunted him.

She had never wanted to hunt him down like an animal and at the same time she hadn't been able to do anything else.

'They' had yet again tried to prevent them from coming closer towards each other. 'They' had successfully tried to keep them apart.

In that maze of fear, hate and survival, they had lost each other.

Lost each other between the memories of what was real and what was constructed by the Centre to keep them apart; what was a lie.

They had never really found each other again and yet they had always remained close.

_Take a piece of someone's dreams  
__They're never simple as they seem  
__They're thrown away like yesterday_

His had been simple. Pure and simple.

It had been about freedom, friendship and love to him.

Those were his dreams;

To find his family and to have them around to be loved.

And again 'they' had seen to prevent it; stomped on his dreams to break him.

_All we ever need   
__Freedom lies beneath reality  
__Just find a way  
__Oh maybe it's today  
__All the fairytales and fantasies  
__Can we find a way where we can be free?  
__Find a way today_

It seemed as if he could only reach for true freedom once he had shed reality.

_We all will be alone  
__If this house is not a home  
__It won't be long before the air is gone  
__The love that lonely people crave   
__Follows them into their grave  
__We should never leave them lonely_

Yes, she thought. It definitely followed him into his grave.

He had been lonely throughout nearly all his life, always being forced to live alone and on the run.

She had never been able to be there for him.

And at the same time she had.

Her thoughts had always been with him.

Not because it had been her job but because of him… because of what he meant to her.

She should have never left him lonely and without the knowledge of what she felt for him.

_All we ever need  
__Freedom lies beneath  
__Find a way (Why don't you find a way? Just find a way)  
__All the fairytales and fantasies  
__That you need is within  
__Find a way (Why don't you find it today?)_

He had had the power to survive nearly everything they had thrown at him.

That power had come from within.

_All we ever need is a chance to be   
__Freedom lies beneath reality  
__Find a way; find a way, today  
__All the fairytales and fantasies  
__Be free  
__Find a way today  
__Just find it, just find it today  
__Today_

Maybe he had found it now.

'Yes, he had found it', she decided; she needed to believe it.

If there was one person that deserved freedom, it had been him. Had always been.

And now, he had found it. He would never been hunted again by those who made his life a living hell.

His fairytale about freedom had come true; very different from what she - as well as he himself – had expected but…

He was free now.

Parker got up from her kneeling position and she drew one hand up to her mouth while the other one laid the rose on the ground.

Pressing a soft kiss in her palm, she transferred it to the tombstone.

_All we ever need is a chance to be  
__Freedom lies beneath reality  
__Find a way  
__Just maybe, maybe today  
__All the fairytales and fantasies  
__Can we find a way where we can be free?  
__Today_

"Be free, Jarod", she whispered and then turned around and walked out of the cemetery.

.

For Benny  
Be free!


End file.
